Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Jus d'Orange

Let's start in the less pretentious way possible. Let's make a list.
May I?
Lists are the shelter of the non-mother tongue writer who is still unaware of the hidden grammatical snares and the subtle semiotic tricks of English.

While in the Netherlands for studying journalism, keep in mind that your first 10-15 days will be swept away by all but serious activities. Taking inspiration from that still underrated weekly Bibles of contemporary literature which are glamour magazines I've divided those activities in three categories . Here they are.

Dos in the Netherlands

- riding a bicycle (if possible a stolen one bought from a junkie)
- eating as many stroopwafels as possible (don't ask, try)
- drinking a cool Dutchnamed beer comparing its color with the brown water of the canals
- dating a Dutch girl knowing only the expressions doeg, tot ziens and dank je wel
- having a sofinummer (if you want to rebuild your life here)

D'ohs in the Netherlands

- having your bicycle stolen by a junkie (liberalistic economic logic)
- smashing your face on a real Dutch pavement falling from your bike (if you still have one)
- discovering that the cool Dutchnamed beer you took is nonalcoholic (point the pint carefully)
- forgetting your raincoat at home in a sunny day (it's gonna rain)
- hitchhiking on the canals (the houseboats won't move to take you on board)

Don'ts in the Netherlands

- looking inside the tiny Dutch houses like a postmodern Rembrandt (they don't have curtains)
- drinking in the streets of Amsterdam (is not allowed)
- making jokes about the Dutch typical tightness (especially if you're dating a Dutch girl)
- being dated by a Dutch man you hardly doubt the sexual orientation of him (at your own risk)
- missing the Maastricht Carnaval in the first weekend of February (I did)

The Nits - In the Dutch Mountains

1 comment:

Wandering Piccola said...

Do's: Gotta learn these two wonderful archaic Dutch phrases. Roll it off your tongue like a native and you'll command their respect forever:

'Ik ben malle pietje niet!'
(I'm no silly pete-used whenever you're asked to do something against your will and you tell them to piss off.)


'Als er een angeltje over your tong pist!'
(Like an angel pissing on your tongue...)used in the same context of,"Buonissimo!"
Even the 2007 Lowlands festival quoted that phrase to describe the Grosch beer that they're providing.